After Easter

Today is the first day of school after the Easter Holidays.

It was okayyyy, 1400 to 1600 with Owen. Economics. It was gooooood. I like school. I don't know why. The teachers here are very friendly.

And then 1600 to 1800 with Sandra. QM.

Well, in the morning, I sent off the gifts for my boyfriend and his parents to SG. I sure hope it reaches them. Sigh. I am so worried, and I feel that I cannot trust the post office. But then again, everyone sends their mail/parcel there.

I had coffee and lunch at Starbucks while talking on the phone with Sufardi. He's really cute and smart. I think he is really smart.

Bank Holiday

I stayed home. The whole day. Study. Ate. Study. Wanted to cut my hair but it's close everywhere, because it's bank holiday. That's why School is close.

Pfft.

Sufardi ain't working though! He is so sexy. HAHAHAHHA.

OH! HAPPY EASTER!

Madam Tussauds

Mum and I woke up very early today because we needed to go back home in the morning together with Aunty. She sent us off before work. Hence, the early rise from the beauty sleep.

Took like 3 buses to get home, and then after putting our bags, we went out again.

BECAUSE,

WE WERE HEADING TO,

MADAM TUSSAUD'S WAX MUSSEUM.

I was so excited la. Like damn excited. So we headed to Oxford Street first to buy the tickets. Then headed to Marylebone Road, it's there. About 15 mins walk.

Okay, so we arrived right, everything okay, then inside, I think it was too crowded? Or maybe too tired from all the walk, mum, just felt unwell and puked at a corner of madam tussauds exit. HAHA.

The customer services officers were really helpful, brought mum to the first aid room and calmed her down. They then, extended the validation of our ticket to like, a year! So cool.

Like, I get to go MADAM TUSSAUD AGAIN!

Well, when I was there, I saw Justin Timberlake, David Beckham & Posh Spice, Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie, Drew Barrymore, LL Cool J, Will Smith....... And many many more. Best part is, I get to go there again!!!

Yeyyyyy.

I love sexy Sufardi. I spoke to him again today, he's so sexy and I wanna bite him. And so, deep. I don't know where he gets his, whole, intelligence of simply living life. He should write a book. For people like me. The stupid, silly, clumsy, blur, SLENGER, type. Oh my.

Haha. Well, it's like, he can put it in a way to make me smarter, and think more, and think maturedly, without offending me you know. It's like, I feel like he is my life adviser. He's so smart.

Aunty Bedahhhh

I woke up really early today, morning classes like at 9.30am - Econs.

I made toast for mummy and I for breakfast, got ready for school and left home around 9am. I was ready at 8.30am, but mummy wanted to follow me last minute so by the time I waited for her, I was already late, so we took a cab from home to school.

After all that rush (plus it was raining), Econs was cancelled. There were too little students. Some had excel exams and some just didn't come.

I met mum at the bagel factory cafe below my school and we headed to Oxford Street. We went to buy the London open tour bus to tour London this Saturday/Sunday! (Soooo exciting!)

We wanna go to Madam Tussaud's Wax Musuem and Harrods please! Sooo exciting.

Okay then we went to Marks & Spencer, because mummy wanna buy the jam there.

Then we headed back to Notting Hill Gate, to meet my aunt that came all the way from south london. I hugged her because I haven't seen her for like what, 8 years? But I had to go to school after that for QM, while she and mum, headed home.

QM was easy if you concentrate, and I must practice a whole lot. 2 hours passes by very fast and it's 1.30pm. I called mum and she was on the way, so I told her, I'll go have lunch first while waiting for her to get to Notting Hill.

They came, we took the bus to Oxford Street, went to all the departmental stores, bought stuff, went to their LV there, and boy, it's SO MUCH CHEAPER THAN SG!!

Mum saw a bag she loves, and is still in the process of thinking whether to buy it. I bought some shoe at Primark, mainly for school. And we headed home, it was getting dark. Aunty followed us back. Cos she wanted to have dinner near our place.

So we went home and changed and wash up a bit, and when we wanted to leave, someone rang the doorbell, and we were like, omg who's that, at this hour, and when we asked who's that, no one replied.

that happened twice, so mum got reallyyyyyyy afraid. because it was so suspicious, and then, she changed her mind. So aunty said it was okay and she took a cab back home. We ended up just having bread for dinner.

Todayyyy Sufardi text me, that he got home, and it was okay I didn't call him last night because I was tired, his work schedule and will update me more for the upcoming week. and...to remember, that he misses me a whole lot. and I will always BE IN HIS HEART, NURLISA, I love you Sayang... goodnight.

Heeeeeeesss, I am lucky and I am happy. SufardiSufardiSufardi.

Flare my nose

We went to buy halal meat this morning. Like, beef and chicken at Shephard Bush Market.

Mum packed for me in different plastics so it was easier for me if I want to cook. Whatever, I'm not gonna talk about this, I really don't know how to talk about it.

Okay so anyways I had my first class today. Economics. It was okay. Somehow it seems easier compared to back then in MI. Like, MI, was totally BS, the teachers there weren't good enough. I've always hated that school.

Econs was okay. Really okay.

After that I had QM. Which I was totally lost. Though Sandra - the teacher, was really nice. They said, they'll give me make up lessons since I started school late. I saw Mr Kaveh and he asked how I was doing and everything. Very helpful.

After class, it was reallyyyyyy colddd. I called Sufardi on the way home. IT WAS REALLY COLD. REALLLLLLLYYYYYYYYY COLD.

I miss him so badly.

I have this habit... I tend to flare my nose. And Sufardi would say this, "jangan kembangkan hidung boleh tak?" Followed by a smile and a kiss on my nose.

I was doing that, and I suddenly heard his voice in my head, "jangan kembangkan hidung boleh tak?" followed by that comforting smile and a kiss on my nose. oh boy, I miss him.

I told him about it on the phone and he said, "mula-mula kembang hidung, lepas itu orang tegur, kembangkan lagi, suka kembang hidung. you notice or not baby I always like to kiss your nose..."

I MISS SUFARDI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I text him, "I miss you so much til it hurts."

He replied, "Sayang, no matter what, without me being there, you've gotta be strong and stay focus on your study. I know how you feel. What about me? It goes the same for me. I think of you every single bit. I feel abnormal without you. Sayang, I miss you soooo soooo sooo much tau... And I wanna let you know... I love you so much okay."

I think I am very lucky. Plus, you've really gotta hear his voice while on the phone. He sounds like such a darllinngggg.

Sufardi, I Sayyyannngg youuu.

Tesco

I get tired easily here you know. I sleep at 8pm and wake up at 5am. Earlyyy right.

I made breakfast - egg sandwich.

So today, mum and I went to school together with Nilufa and her aunt. We left home around 8.30am.

Once we arrived at DGC, I finally met up with Anna Willatt. She's well, very nice, and very very stylish. Mum came along cos she wanted to settle the school fees and all. I got my timetable and heyyy there is no class today because, there were exams, so they re-scheduled classes.

So mum and I went to have lunch at a kebab shop nearby. We were very hungry by then, we ordered like 1/4 pounders and 1/2 pounders, but we both couldn't finish it. Because they're so big and they gave a lot of fries. My goodness.... If I keep eating this everyday, I'll get fat. I told mum, we've gotta like....start cooking healthy food.

We went groceries shopping again, this time at TESCO! How cool, I get to shop at Tesco! I knowww Malaysia have... But I've always heard my FIT teacher mention about Tesco....... and now I get to shop at Tescooooo.

Tesco - supermarket. Haha, so you must be thinking, what the hell this girl, is excited of shopping at Tesco. -.-

Kkkkk then, we got home and cooked, sambal prawns, fried broccolli, carrots and cauliflower in oyster sauce and seafood fried rice. Nice meal. Healthy. So much healthier than outside food.

Woooo. I talked to Sufardi!! I AM SO HAPPY EACH TIME I HEAR HIS VOICE. HE'LL GO LIKE... eh hi sayang, omg the warmth and comfort in his voice. Each time I hear it, I know... everything is gonna be okay.

I am very lucky. Mana nak dapat, lelaki yang sanggup perempuan dia, selama 3 tahun... bukan senang, tapi demi cinta, dia sanggup sabar dan accept this and wait for me. I know he is true to me, because he reminds me himself, that he is right there in Singapore waiting for me.

I can't talk much, gtg. but dear world, I love Sufardi a lot.

First day

Mum and I woke up early this morning.

She was really helpful. She unpacked for me, cleaned my room etc. We went out to get stuff for my room, - towels, bins, air fresherner, whatever I cant remember. It's still really cold when we left the house. So we need to bring our jackets along. We came back around noon. Had a short nap.

At 2pm, Mr. Kaveh - the course coordinator, came, showed me how to go to school, the route, where to take the bus, which bus to take, and stuff.

After all that, he dropped us off at a bigbigbig mall - Westfield. The biggest mall in Europe.

Shopped for stationaries and computer accessories. Had dinner at Del Aziz. Sooo, expensive laaa.
Everything here is so expensive. You can buy pencil lead for 5ocents in SG, but it cost GBP5. Eggs are like $2 in SG. Over here is, GBP2.6, so it's $6 SGD. Very very very expensive.

Took a bus back home and yeah, that's about it.

I called Sufardi today, I miss him.

SIN to LHR

HEYYYY People... I am blogging. From the UK. :))

But I am so tired. Because I just went through a 14 hours flight! It's damn crazy and tiring okay. Damnnn tiring. Like. 14 hours!

I travel Singapore Airlines of course. One of the best airlines in the world. Nice food, comfortable, all the latest movies. OMG, don't travel with budget airlines if you wanna travel far. You would so regret. SIA, is seriously the best.

We arrived airport around 11am. Check in, and stuff. Lee and Fate was there to send me off along with my family.

Hugs and tears........ I don't wanna talk.

Sufardi was suppose to send me off too! BUT fcukfcukfcuk, poor thing, his mum got admitted to the hospital this morning. So he couldn't make it. FCUK RIGHT. but nvm. I left SG crying. Kinda hoping it would be like the movies, where he would come running after me maybe even in the place, like he had to buy the cheapest ticket to anywhere but the fat,old,ugly lady at the counter would give him the most expensive and take such a long time. HAHA. But no, that didn't happen.


Okay so then, 14 hours flight. Finally, arrived. Picked up by the driver.

IT'S REALLY COLD HERE IN LONDON.

I'm leaving like sorta in a town house. I choose not to live at the college dorm because I want more privacy. So I'm staying at a private house, the owner, rents this house to students who studies in the UK. It has more privacy, and you can study more peacefully here.

So yeah, okay, did I mention my mum is here with me? I love her to bits and very grateful she's here. She's doing all the settling down for me. Like unpacking, cleaning the room, getting the toiletries, groceries. HAHA. Thank youuuu mummy. What would I do without you?!

Okay super jet lag. Bye.

Last Day in SG

Well, it's Thursday. Which means, 1 more day left in Singapore.

Sufardi came over this morning, say.... around 8am. The last day I get to spend with him. I met him downstairs for breakfast together for the last time. I had mee soto and he had lontong. And we went back to my place and fell asleep for a few hours. We woke up, had lunch and just spent time talking, laughing and teasing around.

He had to work at 8pm. So we left home at 6pm cos I wanted to have dessert - Ice Kachang downstairs. Yeah, kinda like the last time as well. Cos I won't be able to have it in the UK. It was really nice spending time.

Before he left, I hugged him really really really tight. And he said, "don't worry, we'll hug again tmr." I had this feeling that something just was not right. So I just continued hugging him even more tightly.

And so he left, and I went back home. Watched American Idol while packing. Pack and pack and pack.

My family and I went to meet my relatives and supper at lau pa sat. I've always wanted to go there with Sufardi, but well, no time. :/

So then, went back home, discussed a few things with my parents and now blogging. Okay, this will be the last time I would blog in Singapore.

Nights people, See you in London. HAH! No.

Definitely, going.

On a bright Tuesday morning, (HAH, something you would use in secondary school) it was suddenly decided that I AM GOING TO London, they booked the air ticket and stuff and yes, I am definitely going London. After all that, I karaoke-d. Like, turned on the VCDs and sang songs. Tried calling the boyfriend but he wasn't answering because he was still sleeping.


I was bored. So I left home, and headed towards my boyfriend place. I forgot to inform him that I left the house, and he called me halfway and when he found out I left the house without informing him, he wasn't that please. So I apologised.


It was such a hot day, so I took a cab from Jurong East MRT to Teban Gardens. It was like around 5 plus, and I passed him a 10 dollars note, and the change returned back to me was all coins. Bloody hell.


I finally reached his mum's shop and waited there for him. After awhile, he came down. I said goodbye to his aunt and have his mum a hug. Wow, that's the first.


So we took 143 and headed to town. The journey was like about an hour and a half. We alighted somewhere near Far East because I wanted to eat the chicken rice at Cahaya.

After dinner, we headed down to Shaw House and went to catch Dragonball the movie. It was okayyy, it was, 5 out of 10 according to Sufardi.

We went home after that because I have a thousand things to do. I AM GOING LONDON!

Sufardi and I had our happy moments, today is our monthsaryyyy!!

10 Habits of a Millionaire

Yesterday, I read a very very very good book:

10 Habits of a Millionaire.

10. Millionaires think Long - term.

9. Millionaires talk about Ideas.

8. Millionaires embraces change.

7. Millionaires take calculated risks.

6. Millionaires continually learn and grow.

5. Millionaires work for profits.

4. Millionaires believe they must be generous.

3. Millionaires have multiple sources of income.

2. Millionaires focus on increasing their net worth.

1. Millionaires ask themselves empowering questions.

This is a very good book. Though, I'm not a millionaire, but it is a veryveryveryvery good book. I strongly encourage and urge you to read. Remember, millionaires, they learn and grow, means, they read and read to learn and therefore, GROW.

And plus, I got it from my Millionaire cousin okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. The one that owns the Bentley and earns millions per month.

SO READ!

Marley & Me

Sufardi came over at 4am last night. Because, he fell asleep after he got home. Well he hasn't had his fair share of sleep. So I forced myself to sleep as well.

And then at 4am he called me, apologising, because we were suppose to meet earlier but he overslept. For the ver first time, I said, no, honey, I'm too tired.

HAHA.

He was pretty damn pissed. I felt bad, so I asked him to come over. We drove around and I came back home at 6am. He told me we'll meet again around noon. (:

At 10am, I think he texted me but I didn't reply. And he called my house. My sister came rushing to the room, "Kaklisa, wake up there is some Chinese guy calling you!"

HAHA. Usually when someone tells you that, you instantly....WAKE UP, and clear your throat and try your best to sound like you were awake and fresh the whole time. But I knew... I knew who's calling. And when I answered, I put on my most sleepiest voice ever.

And my boyfriend, "Hi, I'm calling from St James Power Station....." Mangkuk!

I smiled at that moment. Haha, Seriously, THAT. made. me. smile. Entahhh la... it puts a smile and it cheers me up laa... and made my dayyyy.

We got ready and drove Sabrina to Dover MRT to check out her laptops. And we went to have lunch at Subway at Dhoby Ghaut. Sayang had to foot long you know. And he wasn't even full. And then we headed back home.

At home, baby played the internet. And said something to upset me. And...

I have a problem, I CRY A LOT. Not that I am sensitive, but it's when someone upsets me over something, and that something would upset anyone, everyone, different people would react to different situations in different ways right?

Like, if someone were to call you, a JERK, (for example) Person A would go, - It takes one to know one? Person B would go - well, thank you. Person C- would just smile and walk away. Person D would - CRY.

HAHA, I am person D. I cry and cry and cry everytime I'm hurt. Once Praba said, you cry too much I feel like at times, I don't pity you anymore. -.-

So anyways, during that moment right, I was expecting, all those predictable stuff like, my boyfriend to console me, and say stuff like, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have this that, I would stay by your side, or like....come here, and then kisses my forehead, everything would remain very serious and sad.

But Sufardi, wahhhttt the hell. He laughs you know. Like, when I'm crying he would laugh!! I WAS REALLY PISSED at first. But what the hell, he laughs, because he teases me, and make real corny and lame jokes, and fcuk it cheered me up. OKAYYY I CAN'T EXPLAIN. BUT!!!! I was amazed on how, different this guy's approach on cheering LISA up 101.

Unpredictable. It's just different. It's funny. It's good. It wasn't like the usual console method. Interesting.

He's different, he's interesting, he's funny, he knows me so well, and he was really patient. Like I was crying and whining yet he still had a smile on his face. Sufardi, what's next eyyyyyyy...

And then we went out to go have dinner at Northpoint's foodcourt, the famous Indian stall. Quite expensive but nice la. And then we walked around and went to watch movies, - Marley & Me. Oh boy, marriage life with kids are so difficult.

Okayyy, I'm done blogging. Sufardi is staying over. And I think I wanna sleep, I'll just let him play the computer after this. Goodnight lovelys.

Fishing

Finally Sufardi woke up last night. AND DIDN'T GO TO WORK BECAUSE HE OVERSLEPT. Bestttnyyeerrr. HAHA, I jump for joys for days that my boyfriend doesn't go to work and spends it with me.

We had supper at D'Rubinah off Sembawang Road. We drove around after that. And then, at 6am, I went back home. It was for me to go sleep. Sufardi was going fishing with Sonic after that. So I fell asleep rightaway.

And at 2pm, he texted me. What are you doing? HAHA, I am so touch that even when he is with his friends, FISHING, yeah, okay it's not much of a busy activity but still he's with his friends, he still manages to find time to text me. UNLIKE MY TWO previous. Sufardi, even busy at work, would text me you know.

Okay, then. He said, he wanted to pick me up. Hehe. Sweet right. So he drove all the way from Pasir Ris to Yishun and picked me. He was wet all over because it was raining while fishing so we went back to Teban for him to have a change of clothes. And then to Tampines Mall and had lunch at Swensons. Yummy.

And then. We went to Pasir Ris for some fishing. Went back home. Sufardi's coming later again! (:

Dear World,

I am happy.

Dear Sufardi,

You are the reason why I am happy.

Get to know the...

You know, back then, I was reading one of the issues of the CLEO magazine. It was an article titled, PARTY LIKE A VIP.

And one way to do it according to them was.... Get to know the bouncer. HAHA.

I swear though, me getting to know Sufardi, I did not intend to get all these priviledges. Honestly, I didn't even want to fall in love. Especially with a bouncer, Like what if I cannot cope? But what to do? He was just too handsome, too cute, too charming and was able to give me all the magical feeling. Dah, terjatuh cinta, I accidently fell in love. And sometimes, I feel like the luckiest girl alive.

Besides, I was already in love, then I read that article. At first, I have to admit I felt kinda special. I mean, of course la, like to get to enter clubs for free and free drinks. But as time passed by, it's like nothing. Back then, I used to BUY clothes for clubbing, do my hair, put on thick make up. Like, CLUBS are a big deal you know.

Now, I walk in there without make up. My hair would be tied in one pony tail. I would wear t shirt and jeans and slippers. I used to queue for an hour to enter a club just to dance, party and get drunk. Now, I walk in like nobody's business, and then, not to dance or party or get drunk, but to.... -.- GO TOILET. -.-

HAHA.

Who the hell goes to a club, just to......go toilet.....

I would eat cheeseburger, drink bourbon coke, charge my handphone and watch soccer over there. Recently, I would go up to Mono and asked Ming Choon for green tea. HAHA. And if one of the karaoke's room is empty, I would sit inside on the big, comfortable sofabed, and wait for Sufardi there. I would be able to sing and karaoke alone.......... But still it was one way to kill time.

Honestly, I'm bored of clubbing. I used to think St James, was a big deal you know. I party like every week. I would pay for cover charge and drinks. Cos I had a lot of cash back then when I was single. So all my cash, are for hot dresses, hair, cover charges and drinks til I get drunk. I was so hardcore back then. Now, I've changed.

To a more decent young lady, due to Sufardi. Haha, (: that's a good thing.

These days when I go to clubs, it's merely just to be near Sufardi, to be at the same building, to go home with him. I don't go with the main intention, to seriously, club and party and dance and get drunk like I used to. All I want is to be very near Sufardi. That's all. Because, I love him so much.

Kellyyyyyy

I woke up feeling all lazy.

My friend begged me to follow her to this career thing at Suntec. And she's 23 and she's dating a 17 year old................umms....okay....merepekzzz sakzzz.. Sorry I really had to say that.

Anyways, I met Kelly and Tri after that at Suntec as well. We took a cab to St James because we were planning to have dinner at Station Kitchen. I met my boyfriend. Since he works there, we were able to get the staff discount. He said, when you ask for the bill, just mention you are the CSO's wife. HAHA. I told this to Kelly and Tri and they were like, WOW, Mrs Sufardi. They teased me a lot and said how lucky I am. And it's good that he is very serious with me.

Kelly brought someone for dinner. Angus - he's a decent chap from the UK. He was very nice and funny. And Kelly looked as if she was really hitting it off with him. After dinner we went to Dragonfly and got us all free entry. Once again, thanks baby. He's the sweetest.

He actually allowed me to stay the whole night. But he didn't allow me to drink. So I didn't. It's like good enough he allowed me, so, don't take advantage of it. He already said, DON'T DRINK. So I didn't drink.

We went to Movida and had a few dance. After everything, Kelly left with Angus. Tri left too after awhile. I went to Mono, I had a few drinks. GREEN TEA only. HAHA, And had some chicken and fries, and sang a few songs in the Karaoke room. I was very tired. But I was happy. Happy I was near Sufardi. In the same building as Sufardi. Get to meet Sufardi. Get to go home with Sufardi.

Later on, he picked me up in his car. He was wearing his CD uniform because he had to go back to camp later on. Oh boy, was it tight. I sure wanted to rip it off him man. I change my mind. Firemen are the hottest. They deal with fire, they're the hottest. Actually I've always thought men in uniform were hot, but thing is, usually firemen, they like teasing girls, that's why I've always not fancied them. But I fancy my personal, firemen, bouncer, boyfriend. I'm so lucky.

makcik siput nieeeeee

I woke up at 7am to follow my parents to work. I needed to get some documents and I headed to the UK VISA Application Centre. I wanted to pass them some additional documents. But they wouldn't accept it.

I was ooberly sad. I have a feeling my VISA would be rejected. Sigh.

And so I called my aunt that is staying at Jurong West. I went to her place. And she brought me out to shopping at Metro. I bought 3 tops and 3 pants for myself. And shirts for Sabrina.

We headed back to her place again. I fell asleep for awhile. Oh boy, I sure needed that short nap. And then I got ready because I had dinner plans with my girls from MDIS.

First, we picked up my uncle from CDA and then she sent me all the way to Vivo. It's an irony Farhanah picked Vivo as our dinner venue because, I get to be very near Sufardi. (:

Since I was carrying too many shopping bags, I went to St James to put my stuff first in the locker. So I could walk without having to worry about my bags. Otherwise I will be like, makcik Siput again.

I passed by Boiler, and I bumped into Gene. He was working at Tiger Live. Said hello and went to meet my friends. Farhanah, Pretty and Diyana at Vivo and we had dinner at Breeks. It was nice just hanging out. Pretty and I had the club sandwich, F had the lasagna and D had the salmon pocket toast.

Pretty passed me some chocolates as a gift! Farhanah passed me a bear, with a mug inside and a keychain!! AWFULLY SWEET of them. That's like my going away gift. SO SWEET. I love them.

So then I was carrying 2 extra bags. And when I came back to St James, I met my boyfriend for awhile. And I took the rest of my stuff. My boyfriend himself called me makcik siput. HAHA. Siak jerrr. Hahahahhahahaha.

But he was very sweet like tryin` to put everything together so I would have to carry less bags.

I was so tired on the way back home.

I'll bang my head

Yesterday, I fell asleep at 4 plus. Pretty late huh. And I woke up at 9am. I went to Insworld to fill in VISA stuff, and then went to the UK Visa Application Centre to apply for my VISA. There were so many problems. Sighhh.

After that, I went for lunch at Subway at Funan IT Mall. And then I went to tuition. I was so tired by then. And I felt so damn bloody stressed up regarding my VISA. I seriously, almost bang my head to the wall.

I came home early on Monday because I just had no mood. Sufardi was sleeping til like almost midnight. But he's coming over to meet me tonight for supper. It's just a very stressful day. And I seriously don't feel like talking much.

Late Night

It’s late at night as I lie in bed in the blue glow of the television set. I have a clicker in my hand, the remote control, and I go from 1 to 97, scrolling through the channels. I find nothing that warrants my attention, nothing that amuses me, so I scroll up again, channel by channel, from bottom to top. But already I’ve given it the honor of going from 1 to 97, and already I’ve found nothing. This vast, sophisticated technology and…nothing. It’s given me not one smidgen of pleasure. It’s informed me of nothing beyond my own ignorance and my own frailties.

But then I have the audacity to go up again! And what do I find? Nothing, of course. So at last, filled with loathing and self- disgust, I punch the damn TV off and throw the clicker across the room, muttering to myself, “What am I doing with my time?”

It’s not as if I’m without other resources or material comforts, you follow? I’ve been very fortunate in life, and as I lie in my bed, I’m surrounded by beautiful things. Treasured books and art objects, photographs and mementos, lovely gardens on the balcony. After many years in this particular business in the particular town, I have a rich network of friends, some only a few steps away, dozen of others whom I could reach on the phone within seconds.

So what am I doing with my time?

Steeped in this foul, self-critical mood I lie back and close my eyes, trying to empty my head of all thought. It’s late, time to sleep, so I determine to focus on that empty space in my consciousness and try to drift off. But images begin to come to me, infiltrating that darkness. Soft, sensuous images of a time very early in my life when things were so much simpler, when my options for entertainment couldn’t be counted on a scale from 1 to 97.

At 4.30pm after my last call to Sufardi, I finally fell asleep.

Explanations

I woke up at 10am this morning. I kinda liked waking up early. Maybe it's cos I don't need to rush and I won't be late.

So I took my time and met Ariffah at 1pm. It was nice seeing her after such a longgg time. We met at Golden Village and bought movie tickets - He's just not that into you. We had lunch before our movie at Burger King. Ariffah's treat. Since, I am leaving. We caught up, and shared everything.

I shared how, I got cheated on my Praba. How I met Ashik and things didn't work out. How I hated love, and never wanted to fall in love again and never believed in love but somehow my handsome boyfriend appeared in my life and managed to crawl his way through my heart and won it.

How I met Sufardi, How I fell in love with Sufardi, How Sufardi chased after me, How Sufardi first proposed to me to be his girlfriend at Esplanade and How my dating days with Sufardi were.

Ariffah said, (with a disgusted face) no offence, but both your previous ex-es were so ugly. This one....CUTEEEE.

Haha. So far everyone finds Sufardi cute. That's the problem when you date a cute guy. They turn heads. They attract attention. And now that I am leaving....................... You all know I got cheated on............... I've got trust issues.

Like, back then, I didn't care. I didn't care when girls look at my boyfriends, I would never grab or hold them just to show that I'm his girlfriend. My mindset - look all you want, he's next to me. Not you.

And probably I trusted the guys I date so much, like maybe yeah, they enjoy the attention but they would never smile or wink to other girls behind my back.

But when I was like that, all that trust and love for Praba. That fcuking Sarah used to be so close to him in front of me, clearly disrespecting the fact that I was his girlfriend. I still wouldn't bother. My mindset - flirt all you want, he would never bother and would still love me. All that trust and all that confidence. And yet, Praba cheated on me with Sarah.

But hey, once when I was with Praba and some girl told me she was attracted to him, oh boy that girl got hell from me. Even Sarah got hell from me. She's still so afraid of me. She would fret like hell if she thought it was me on the streets. HAH. So seriously, don't mess with the person I'm dating. SG or UK. I tell you, you don't wanna see that side of me.

When I date someone, I make sure this guy is really worth it and won't do anything behind my back. Like, this guy would not be nonsense. Like, he wouldn't be so gatal. I analyze first.

I sure do analyze them.

So yes, with Sufardi, well, honestly? He has done a few things that got me all suspicious and lost trust in him. And goodness, sometimes he's like caught red-handed you know, but here's the thing, if you know him well enough, you listen to his explanation, you would know whether it's the truth or not.

Sometimes, I know he ain't telling the truth, little little white lies that doesn't hurt the relationship. It's okay. But when he's caught with something serious, I hear his explanation, sometimes it's a whole load of crap, seriously. But it's him you know, it's Sufardi. Like, yeah Sufardi is the type that is like this that this that.

You've gotta know him well. And in my case, this isn't complaining about Sufardi or showing you all his bad points. Mind you, his imperfections and flaws are nothing compared to his care, concern and endless love for me. This is just teling you, nobody's perfect and they make mistakes and if you know someone well, you will go, it's okay, he's like that, I understand. At the end of the day, he's not a bad guy.

I choose to love Sufardi, and I have to accept him the way he is. And the way he is? Just the way I like it with lots of sugar on top.

tiredtiredtired

I made calls to friends today. To inform them, I am leaving SG for London in a few weeks time, subject to my VISA approval.

I got ready. I went to Ardi's house. Hang out at the Mum's shop. Met him, followed him to work.

I am damn tired to blog.

Bye. Hahaha story halfway tell.What horrible English.

Story told halfway laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Then went home, and sleep. Tired. Too tired.